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  • Titilope's picture
    says: (02 Apr '10)

    A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

    While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
    Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?'
    God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

    Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
    face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
    She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
    Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well
    make the most of it.
    After her last operation, she was released from

    21
Titilope's picture
on April 02, 2010

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?'
God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well
make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?'

God replied: 'I didn't recognize you.'

^ i didn't think that was funny... but you crazy easily amusied people might....

 

well. see ya around.

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Droolin's picture

what's the difference between marmalade and jam? i can't marmalade my dick in ur mums ahhhhhhahahahahahahahaha
Titilope's picture

pshtt, i get that. well i'm all outta jokes. see you when i come up with another pointless discussion.
Seppy's picture

ok this is a horrible joke, but it's acually really funny when you tell it in person (if you have joke telling abilities) a woman ina grocery store walks up to the cashier to check out. she has One banana, a half bottle of skim milk, AND a candy cigarette. the cashier is a guy and looks at her and her items whil he's ringing everything up and says "you're single aren't you?" she smiles and giggles and says "ya how'd you know?" he says "well cause you're ugly" hahahhaha
Titilope's picture

the 'i choked on my toenail one, was funny" haha. What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup! ^ this is a funny, unfunny one, cause i don't understand why you would link those two to begin with...
Fish_2's picture

What do you call a successful Asian businessman? "Asif" (get it? as-if...Asif...an Asian name...hah...-_-...)
Lm_wfc's picture

lol, fairly ironic My wife told me that she was seeing someone else because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.
Titilope's picture

i think we've clarified that Americans are stupid... this has to be the most unfunny joke i have had the misery of reading, Knock Knock Who's there? Ahmed! Ahmed who? Ahmedeus Motzart! ¬_¬
Droolin's picture

@ lm_wfc how ironic that when we type "humour", the american computer underlines it in red...
Droolin's picture

why are pirates called pirates cuz they just arrrrr haha nobody has funny jokes anymore...people just quote movies that will ferrell is in/family guy and try to find something they can declare as "random". 90% of the time,none of the things in these examples are funny...it's just something for people that were never funny to use as a way of uniting together with their shit sense of humour.
Titilope's picture

speaking of blind people. this one made me laugh... A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around." ^ hehe.
Lm_wfc's picture

they're american - so finding it funny doesn't count. It's like blind person telling you your paintings good. ^^^^ adding to the jokes
Titilope's picture

well, see Mr lm_wfc, some people do find it funny. i was kinda hoping some of you guys would add jokes, but eh! #kanyeshrug.
Droolin's picture

ha
Acirema_Live's picture

I THINK IT WAS FUNNY!!!! Delivery of the moral was good.
Titilope's picture

i think i have a stalker. hi exposingthewicked. whatcha been exposing these days?
ExposingTheWicked's picture

titi is in the houseeeeee DONT YOU KNOW I FOLLOW THE RULES IT"S ABOUT TIME YOU FOLLOOOOOOOW MINE I BET A MILLION DOLLLLLLLLLLLLLERS THAT YOU KNOW !!!!!! DONT YOU KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ;))))))))) TITI TITI TITI
Titilope's picture

i dunno, i just saw it on some site, and thought you kids (baby goats) might like it... what's been goin on here anyway?
4ziATiC's picture

lol 4/10
Lm_wfc's picture

no. Is it meant to have a moral?
Titilope's picture

im guessing you didn't think it was funny either?
Lm_wfc's picture

:-|